No offence to you ladies.. this is just another one "From my inbox":

A man was lying on a blanket at the beach He had no arms or legs.  Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug"
The man said "No", So she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss".
The man said "No", So she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman walked over to him, knelt down and whispered in his ear, "Have you ever been f****d?
The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No". The woman smiled and said "You will be when the tide comes in."

Here is another one "From my inbox":

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function.

He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring   back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom to undress you and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, b*tch, I'm married!!!"

Broken table - $200

Hot breakfast - $5

Red Rose bud - $3

Two aspirins - $0.25

Saying the right thing, at the right time... PRICELESS!

Dont take this seriously, its just an email that I recieved today!

To whom this may concern

Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures may differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However,excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

Thank you

The best April fools yet

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